Reclaiming the In-Between Moments: How to Slow Down and Find Rhythm in Daily Life
Life feels like it’s moving faster than ever…
In The Scent of Time, philosopher Byung-Chul Han suggests that time has lost its texture, its shape, its fragrance. He writes that time is “whizzing without a direction.”
Think about a beautiful piece of pottery. Now, imagine you smash it. It’s still pottery, but now it’s fragmented into hundreds of tiny, disconnected pieces. This is what has happened to our experience of time. Time has lost its form and wholeness. It’s become fragmented and disconnected. Without transitions and pauses, life loses its rhythm, and time feels blurred, as if it’s rushing by too quickly.
Han writes that we’ve lost the thresholds and transitions of time: the in-between spaces of time. There used to be a natural distance between “here” and “there.” Space between where we are and where we’re going; between not knowing and knowing; between a desire and its fulfillment. However, with modern technology, everything is always accessible, available, or “here” all the time.
Han’s reflections on time capture what so many of us are feeling.
We carry our favorite TV shows and movies, our inboxes, our conversations, and the answers to all our questions in the palms of our hands. We no longer have to wait for a new episode, or the morning paper, or to get to work to check our email. The in-between spaces have collapsed. The journey between “here” and “there” has disappeared.
And with it, we’ve lost something vital: anticipation, spaciousness, rhythm. But here’s the good news: those in-between spaces aren’t gone forever, but we must make a conscious decision to reclaim them.
To experience life more slowly, we need to reclaim the in-between spaces of time that give time its flow, space, and rhythm.
A breath between tasks.
The pause before the next thing.
The small gaps in our days.
These are the thresholds and transitions that give time its structure.
When we reclaim these spaces of time, we can experience time a little slower.
Where to start:
1. Don’t fill these spaces with distractions.
We have dozens, maybe hundreds of tiny in-between moments every day. After finishing a task, waiting in line, during your commute, after finishing a meal, or between reps at the gym, etc. Don’t fill all of those moments with distractions.
There’s no surprise that our phones are usually the biggest distraction. Suppose that every in-between moment is filled with checking social media and e-mail, reading the news, online shopping, listening to podcasts, and looking things up. We end up losing the valuable transitional moments that give our days rhythm.
2. Resist the urge to know everything right now.
Maybe you remember a time when, if we wanted to know something or learn something, we had to wait. If we had a question, we’d have to go to the library and look it up in a book. We had to wait for the morning paper or the evening news to see what was happening in the world. We had to wait until we got to work to check our email.
We’ve forgotten what it feels like to wonder. Now all the answers are in the palms of our hands. We’ve lost anticipation. Not knowing can feel uncomfortable, but it’s also the space where we find curiosity and contemplation.
3. Do more lingering.
Something about the word “lingering” makes it easier for me to stop rushing. When I feel the urge to rush to the next thing, I say quietly to myself: “linger a little longer.” When you feel the urge to rush, gently remind yourself to take some detours, pause to notice, and add space to the in-between moments instead of rushing through them.
After I’m done eating dinner, I sit at the table and linger a while instead of rushing to clear the plates. Amazingly, my child usually sits and lingers with me.
When we’re walking home from the park or school, my daughter often stops to look at things along the way. When I have the urge to say, “Hurry up, we have to get home,” I stop and ask myself if we really need to rush home. Usually, the answer is that we can take our time, take some detours, and linger a bit longer.
4. Add more rituals into your life.
Rituals add rhythm to our lives. Think about our human past: our days would follow the rhythms of the sun, we lived lived and ate in rhythm with the seasons, and following spiritual and religious rituals was more common. Rituals give meaning and pause to those small in-between moments in our days, weeks, and seasons.
Maybe it’s lighting a candle before dinner, saying an affirmation before walking out the door, or five minutes of journaling when you wake up. It could be as simple as making cinnamon rolls on Saturday mornings to mark the transition into the weekend. Whatever works for you and adds a little moment of pause. It doesn’t matter so much what the ritual is, it’s the consistency that gives the ritual meaning and creates a rhythm.
Those in-between spaces can sometimes feel uncomfortable, but it’s also where wonder, contemplation, rest, curiosity, and anticipation all live. We have to choose to take that space back if we want life to feel slower. I would love to hear your thoughts in the comments!